A love and hate relationship.

Based on a true life story.

All names and places has been changed for security purposes.

The tension in the room was thick. Nathalie faked a smile, staring at the girl who was throwing herself all over Xavier, her boyfriend for four years now. Four years and nothing to show for it. No proposal, just dates upon dates that led to where? no where. Nathalie glared at Xavier who was oblivious to the fact that his friend’s girlfriend was all over him, not even caring about the fact her boyfriend was sitted beside her.

” Excuse me” Nathalie said shoving her sit backwards and leaving aware of the fact that Xavier was on her trail.

“What is your problem?” he asked obviously tired.

Nathalie turned around scowling at him.

“My problem?, seriously are you asking me that?, dont you see that tramp throwing herself all over you?” Nathalie answered hotly.

Xavier sighed “So that is the reason behind your behaviour” it was more of a question than a statement.

Nathalie glared at him “Xavier, we have been together for four years, we have been bestfriends for fifteen years.I know you like i know the back of my palm, so what is holding you back?” Nathalie asked softly.

Xavier frowned. It always came down to this. Marriage. He had tried a number of times to tell her he was not ready but she got the latter. He wasn’t ready for this topic. Not here and definitely not now. If he were to go into marriage, he needed to think of the future. Their future, the bills, the kids. He loved her, but as painful as it was, he was not ready.

“Does it always come down to this?” he asked devastated.

Nathalie stepped forward clutching his hands in her small ones and looking up to him through glassy eyes.

“Xavier i love you so much and i dont want you taken away from me, i cant bare that pain Xavier. I am scared of loosing you” Nathalie said, her eyes already watery.

“And you wont, why cant you just believe in me?” Xavier asked softly.

“And why dont you just propose?” Nathalie countered releasing his hands and shoving him with her fists.

“What is holding you back Xavier?, who is holding you back?” the tears escaped her eyes.

“You should go home” Xavier said, clearly tired. His girlfriend was a drama queen, but that was one of the qualities he liked about her. He was brought back to reality with a slap.

“What?” Xavier asked touching his face. It stung badly. He watched her wipe her tears with the back of her palm and was about to walk away when he clutched her hand in his grasp.

“Nathalie please” he pleaded.

She scowled at him.

“let go of me you______” she tried freeing herself from his grasp.

“Dont push me Xavier, dont!” she warned but Xavier drew her into his chest. She bursted out crying.

“I love you Nathalie. Dont forget that, i love you” he said softly, kissing her head.

“I love you too, but i am scared.I am so scared of loosing you, i cant share you with anyone. Xavier let’s just get married please” she said in between tears.

“Nathalie we will. Someday but not now” he said softly.

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Blessing stared at Nathalie in shock. “You mean you just let him off the hook like that?, you have known this guy for ninteen  years which is definitely not beans. Keep using the soft hand for this guy and he would end up dumping you. Guys likes fresh things, you are not getting any younger and you wont wait for him forever. You are twenty nine years old for crying out loud!” She said exasperated.

Nathalie and her friends were hanging out and she had opened up to them.

“Blessing would you let her be?, do you think rushing Xavier would get the relationship anywhere?, it is clear that they need time” Sophie said frowning slightly.

“He might just be using her” Blessing countered. All Nathalie could do was to sit and watch her friends battling their heads off for her.

For the rest of that day Nathalie kept pondering.

Could it be true?

Could he be using her after all this years, it made little sense. Fifteen years of friendship, four years of dating, which made ninteen years of knowing Xavier and nothing to show for it.

Nathalie buried her face in the pillow. She felt like a confused teenager again, felt like picking the flowers and asking if he loved her. She knew he once loved her, but did he still love her, did he?
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Xavier laughed at the joke Peter made “my girlfriend could be dramatic but i still love her, which i hope she doesn’t doubt”

Peter chuckled, staring at his friend with mock pity. 

“Girls are girls, they always doubt, they always have trust issues, it runs in their blood” Peter said with a smirk, and all Xavier could do was to hope that his case was different, that his girlfriend didn’t doubt his love for her.

After leaving Peter’s, he went to Nathalie’s house. He had asked her to move in with him, but for some reason unknown to him, she had said no.

Pressing the doorbell for the sixth time and still no answer. He called Nathalie’s line, and after five minutes, she flung the door open.

“What do you want?” She asked rudely and Xavier stared at her in shock. Not because of the way she spoke to him, but of the way she looked. Her hair was a mess unlike the always composed Nathalie. Her eyes were puffy like she had been sleeping all day. She had sleeping bags beneath her eyes and most of all, she stunk of alcohol.

“What happened?, i left you for a day and you become a hot mess” Xavier said.

Nathalie rolled her eyes “because you never called”she muttered walking towards a sofa.Xavier followed suit, closing the door behind him.

“Because i hadn’t called, i was busy, what is the matter with you?”

She ignored his last question. “Busy?, why wouldn’t you be, when you have every girl at your beck and call” she said angrily.

“You are way too possesive” he said smirking.

Nathalie just stared at him. What a jerk!. May be she was a tad bit too possesive, but why wouldn’t she be when presently they spent most of their time quarelling. She was only being careful, she toldherself. Okay, fine, she was plain scared, scared that some other girl could snatch him any moment from now.

“I wish i knew what was going through that pretty thick skull of yours” Xavier said observing her.

Nathalie glared at him and he raised his hands up in surrender “okay i give up” he walked up to her and held her.

“Why dont we go on a vacation. I see you’ve been stressed a little too much lately” Xavier said softly and was happy to see a smile begining to form on her lips. A vacation was exactly what she needed, she thought.

“Yes i dont mind, but i wouldn’t want to keep you from your work” she said staring up at him.

“I will take a week leave, you know i would do anything to be with you” he said and she on the other hand wanted to believe it, she really did.

☆ ♡ ☆ ♡ ☆ ♡ ☆

The place was beautiful, they had gone to a beach house, and the room had a nice view of the ocean. It was wonderful.

“Thank you so much Xavier, exactly what i needed. Will you play a song for me, like old times” Nathalie asked with a seductive smile. She wanted everything to be back to normal. 

Xavier laughed “you look like a baby, let us go and eat sonething first. I am famished”

He took her hand and led her to the resturant, but were stoped midway by a screeching voice.

“Xavier is that you?” A slim model like girl walked towards them. Nathalie glared at the girl “way to go Xavier, you just had to spoil everything” she said under her breath. The girl came closer staring at Nathalie, or rather, checking out her competitor.

“I can not believe it Xavier, what a coincidence!” Miss horrible voice screeched. Nathalie stepped closer to Xavier, putting her hand around his waist, and the so called mystery girl got the hint but did not step back.

“Hello, i am Nathalie, Xavier’s fiancee ” Nathalie said,throwing miss horrible voice a victory smile.

“Xavier you never told me that you had a girlfriend, or rather fiancee when we met” miss horrible voice said with a smirk.

Xavier’s body tensed and Nathalie dropped her arm from his waist and scowled at the girl. “You are?” Nathalie asked misd horrible voice with a strict tone.

Miss horrible voice smiled, knowing that she had gotten a reaction “Sofia dearie” she said, drawling her voice.

“Okay Sofia, can you do me a favour and get lost!” Nathalie said partially screaming the last word and walking away from them.

She had gone back to the beach house without listening to Xavier’s explanation. She had locked herself inside a room bawling her eyes out. He didnt care, she thought.

He was a flirt. “How could he?” She pondered.

She remembered the first time he had asked her out, she had been on the verge of screaming out of happiness. She had been crushing on him for five years while she had watched him date her friends. She had been the different one out of them all , quiet, composed, reserved and shy. She had been twenty three when he had asked her out, he had been crushing on her too, before he had finally grown the guts to   ask her out.

They had won best couples thrice in the university. At that time she had never doubted his love for her, not even for once. His family loved her, and as for the relationship between her parents and him, ditto.

Nathalie sniffed, sinking to the ground and resting her jaw on her knees. She was pathetic now, what was stoping him? His parents were rich, he could settle down into marriage with their help, but he chose the latter. He wanted to be independent.

“Damn you Xavier, why dont you just marry me, what is holding you back, Xavier what?” She asked no one in particular.

“Or am i not good enough for him?” She asked aloud. She was definitely going gaga.
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Xavier stood by the window, taking in the view of the ocean, he loved Nathalie. He loved her so much and he had to admit the fact that he was whipped, but she didnt trust him, after the incident at the resturant, he had rushed after her, only for her to bang the door at his face. He had sunk to the ground, he had heard her cry and with each second he had felt his heart sank. 

He couldn’t marry her now, he needed to be independent,he was a man now and he refused any financial help from hisparents. He could never dump Nathalie, he hated to see her cry, she was his everything., his life and his heart.She was beautiful,caring, possesive, and shy although not anymore with the girls who flirted with him, and she was phenomenal, a phenomenal woman. He sighed and walked out of his room, walking towards Nathalie room. He knocked once, twice, thrice and no answer. He listened carefully, there was still no answer, he listened carefully, nothing, no sounds. His guts were telling  himsomething was wrong. He kicked the door with alot of strength and the door flew open to reveal Nathalie on the floor, she seemed unconcious. There was an empty bottle of alcohol . Nathalie never drank, but this past few days she had taken a liking to it. He rushed towards her, crushing her to his chest, he carried her into the bathroom stripping her and turning on the water and putting her in the tub.

“What are you doing to yourself Nathalie?” he asked no one in particular. Nathalie came back to conciousness in a fist of cough.

 She stared up at him scowling “What are you doing here?” 

Xavier sighed “dont you get it, dont you get that i love you?” he said giving her a towel.

“Why dont you propose?” she asked taking the towel and wrapping it around herself.

xavier took her hand “I will marry you”Xavier said and Nathalie felt her heart drumming “You will?” she asked with the glint of hope in her eyes. He kissed the top of her 

head “Yes i will” he said and she smiled with satisfaction.

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They spent one week before returning back to their normal life, which included quarrels. Nathalie tried to believe what Mark had said at the beach house, he had said he will marry her but he had not proposed to her.

Nathalie stared at Clara as she kept blabbing about her wedding.

“You ahould see the hall Nathalie, it is just splendid” and she said things like “You should see the lace babe, it is beautiful, the latest trend” Nathalie rolled her eyes, she knew she was jealous. She wanted this, to blab about her wedding dress, her bridesmaids, the hall and everything. Then what put Nathalie on the verge of exploding was when Clara said “So why is it Xavier hasn’t fixed a date yet” she stated carelessly. Nathalie scowled at her, picked her bag and walked out of Clara without a word.

When she got homeshe found Xavier sitting down in her sitting room.

“Hello darling” Xavier greeted with a warm smile abd Nathalie gave him a sweet smile ” Hello baby, i need to talk to you” he gave her a go ahead.

“When are we fixing the date?” Xavier gave her a puzzled look.

“What date?” he asked in confusion.

“Our wedding date” She explained.

“Nathalie what wedding, i dont remember proposing” he said staring at her in shock.

Nathalie’s mouth fell open. “Get the heck out of my house Xavier, because i refuse to wait anylonger. Get out!” She said breathing heavily. Xavier did not attempt to calm her down, he stood up and left.

Nathalie fell to the ground and cried her eyeballs out. She called Sophie who came straight away to keep her company. 

 Xavier stayed in the studio for the next few weeks preparing a song for Nathalie. 

He loved her so much but she wasn’t making life easy for him, she clearly wasn’t patient, but he couldn’t loose her now, not now. 

He had finally completed the song he had composed for her .

He drove to her place the next day .On getting there, he had called her line, but Sophie had picked up telling him she didn’t want to speak to him. 

He knocked on the door twice before Sophie answered. “Xavier she wouldn’t speak to you” Sophie said sadly.

Xavier cleared his throat “At least, please help me give this to her”he said akwardly, handing over the CD to Sophie and he left with his heart forever crushed.

Not more than five hours later , Nathalie received a call from Xavier sister. She picked “Ada i wont still speak to him, even if you beg me” She said without greeting.

“Nathalie something bad has happened!”Ada cried.

Now Nathalie was scared. “What happened Ada?” she asked.

Ada sniffed”Xavier has been involved in an accident, we are at the hospital now, the doctors are not saying anything yet, i am scared” she admitted.

“What hospital is that?” Nathalie asked rushing to get her purse.

“St. Peters Hospital,our family’s hospital” Ada sniffed again.

“I am coming right away” Nathalie said praying as she she rushed out of the house.

Nathalie arrived at the hospital thirty minutes later. She greeted Xavier’s parent, they seemed disorganized. Nathalie herself wasn’t in her right state of mind “Please God, let him come out alive” she prayed. She walked to Ada and held her hand. She needed someone to hold right now. 

They waited for an hour before the doctors walked up to them, with his shoulders sagged. The worse had happened. Nathalie prayed not, she still had hope.

“I am sorry, Xavier did not make it” the doctor voiced out Nathalie’s worse nightmare. She fell to the ground. She felt empty, she had lost him for good.

“I want to see him” Xavier’s mother shouted. “I need to see my only son” She said crying. Nathalie’s world had gone blank. She was empty. It was her fault. If she had let him in today, he wouldn’t have died.

They were taken to see Xavier’s body. They were all crying but Nathalie couldn’t find the voice to cry, she didn’t know how to start crying. She felt the tears slipping down her eyes, she was finding it hard to breathe. She went to his body and held him.

“Please Xavier i would wait for you, i am ready to wait, come back to me” she pleaded. She cried on his body but not a sound came through her lips. The nurses had to drag her off Xavier’s body. 

Nathalie was taken home by Ada who was also in a bad state.

 Nathalie cried and cried until there was no tears coming through her eyes. That was when she saw the CD placed on her table. 

Sophie had left it there for Nathaloe to decide on what to do with it. 

Nathalie felt a huge part of her had died with Xavier. She took the CD and played. His voice gave her comfort. This voice that she believed would hunt her forever.

She picked out a statement from the song “I would love you eternally, now and forever” she mourned even harder, and this time her voice had come out. Things would never be the same without him, that she knew.

■■■■■THE END■■■■■■